Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

Lately this blog has become a twitter page. Not a place where you read actual blogposts. But today, today my friends I will be giving you what you pay for.

There are some times in life when you just sit down and shake your dayum head. For the last three months, I have done just that. Poverty, malnutrition, abuse, mental illness, cancer, homelessness,-this is not the news I am talking about, or the plot of your favorite soap - it's my family.

I have tried my best to remain apart from the riff-raff I know as kin. They are not the kind you can come by and visit or call every now and again to say, "Hi! How are you?" After they dump the weight of the world on your shoulders, they make you feel guilty you are alive. I pray for them from afar, mail Xmas cards to the addresses I know and keep my distance as best I can.
They call me "wall street". The bougie one. The one that said "no" to welfare and "yes" to working two jobs and going to college. Subsequently creating the mold all future generations wanted to be like. I am the one no one ever hears from, but they gossip about and make up stories about all the time. I have been diagnosed as low as HIV positive to as high as winning a million dollars by people who have not spoken a word to me or clapped eyes on me in years. Although I am determined to live my life in a matter that these people don't phase me. Sometimes - just sometimes they shine a ray of light through and affect my life.

Like at funerals, and births.

This year one of each happened. I declined to be present for the funeral when news trickled down to me but the birth I wound up getting wrapped into the "okey doke". I played hot potato with my cousin's baby and lost. I am now the proud raiser of a beautiful baby girl because (pick your poison above) and you will see that her own parents don't have enough tools in their own toolboxes to take care of her.

I am unemployed right now. Not really conducive to taking on more financial responsibility - ya know? But like always you make do. The husband has a better job now, and we just have to tighten our belts a little. What do you do when a little face looks at  you and smiles? Do you hand her over to a failing system and say, "Good luck kid" ? Apparently I could not, which is why I now have two children living with me. It's back to figuring out formula recipes, remedies for hiccups and looking to pediatrician's for what side the child is allowed to sleep on.

Why can't my life just be normal and stay that way? Why do I always have some twist that makes it a WABC feature presentation?


Anonymous said...

Great read! Maybe you could do a follow up on this topic :)

Anonymous said...

Great read! Maybe you could do a follow up to this topic...

Anonymous said...

Great writing, been looking for that =D


Anonymous said...

Lenora ROCKS :D

Anonymous said...

I wonder exactly what Rusty will do about this :)